The Stigma On Borderline Personality Disorder - 10 BPD Myths

It's not a secret that mental illnesses come with stigma, many of them more than others. Borderline personality disorder is unfortunately one of them, something that isn't well recognised in the first place and when it is it is also often demonised and seen in a very negative light and the positives aren't always seen - although if you want to find out some positives off the bat check out my post on the 13 positives of BPD.

When I was staying in a crisis centre and waiting for a formal diagnosis of BPD, I was told of how I "wouldn't want to have a diagnosis of a personality disorder" because of how stigmatised the condition is, and 2 years after my diagnosis I'm completely understanding the person's reasoning's behind saying this to me. When people hear the words "personality disorder" they are often confused and wonder what this entails, often confusing other conditions like dissassociative identity disorder or "split personality" and things like schizophrenia, thinking that it means you may hear voices, or that you have multiple personalities inside of you, when infact BPD is a complex and serious disorder that affects emotional regulation, relationships, and basically your ability to cope with the tiniest of things. (for a less shit and more in depth explanation of BPD check out my Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness post)

Common Stigmas

1. Crazy and dangerous

a lot of people wrongly assume people with BPD are "crazy" due to episodes of hyper-mania that quickly dissipate into depression. What actually happens in people with BPD is we have erratic mood swings and struggle to regulate our emotions so this can lead to swinging from being elated and happy to being depressed and miserable very quickly in a matter of seconds. It can be quite confusing when this happens and people can assume we are weird or crazy when it is out of our control how our moods swing to. Hyper-mania or a feeling of elatedness is common in BPD and is where you are on a 'high' mood and can happen often and can be very fleeting, this may come across as 'crazy' where we want to do irrational and impulsive things and can feel like our mind is pinging and whizzing round. 

2. Liars and manipulators 

I don't know where this trait came from, but it's a common misconception that we are manipulative and lie often for attention. The truth of the matter is we can lie, just as much as anyone else can, but we are not manipulative. We struggle very much with abandonment and this may trigger an adverse reaction that come across as manipulative, such as threatening suicide or self harm behaviours, when in actual fact we are crying out for help because we have reached crisis point and need some help and reassurance. We are not trying to force compliments out of you or forcing you to stay, we just need help with these emotions as we don't quite know how to deal with them.

3. Untreatable 

We are often believed to be untreatable, and that there is no recovery for BPD. Again, this is not true, in actual fact there are various methods of treatments for the illness, such as medications like anti-depressants and anti-psychotics, which may be very helpful to some and not so helpful to others. There is also dialectical behavioural therapy or DBT for short, which focuses on mindfulness and using logical and emotional thinking to see sense in situations and come down from crisis point, and can be very helpful for emotional regulation and dealing with the intense mood swings that comes with BPD. It is also possible to go into 'remission' with BPD and no longer meet the criteria for a diagnosis within the 9 symptoms.

4. No Empathy

Another misconception is that we have little to no empathy, when in reality we have more empathy than we know what to do with. We can come across very cold and struggling to understand what other people are feeling but this tends to be when we are overwhelmed and not sure what to do with the information. A lot of the time we can become upset when someone else is upset and this may seem as though we don't care and are being selfish, but some people, myself included, can feel other people's pain and envision it and this makes us very sad too. What this really means is that we know how it feels to experience the lowest of lows, and the reality that other people feel this sadness or any sadness breaks our hearts, we don't want people to suffer like we have and see and feel the pain we have.

5. Unlovable

People with BPD are often seen as 'unlovable' or impossible to hold down relationships due to our struggles and internalised worries about every relationship we hold with other people, but like the rest of this list, this isn't the true case. I have had long term relationships, I was with someone for almost four years from the age of 16, and I've had short term relationships. I used to think that the reason all of my relationships didn't work out was because of my illness, when infact, it was due to the lack of empathy and understanding from my partner that was our ultimate downfall. But I can love and be loved, I feel emotions run so deeply within me that I love with all my heart, and sometimes it's hard to understand if this is reciprocated. But we are lovable, we are capable of being in romantic relationships and having long term friendships, all we need is a little understanding and some communication to build up our trust and let down the walls that hold our deep routed abandonment fears.

6. Victims Of Abuse

It is wildly thought that every person with BPD has developed the condition due to abuse during childhood, although it is common for people who suffer with BPD to have developed the illness to cope with childhood trauma, this isn't the case for everyone. I was never abused during my childhood, I was a pretty happy kid. I had my struggles, I became anorexic at the age of 12 and I lost all my friends and began self-harming, but I was never traumatised. There is no solid defining moment in my life I can pin-point and say that's where my illness developed, it just happened over time and my mental health began to deteriorate. But professionals don't always take no for an answer, because, I have BPD, I clearly must have endured some sort of trauma that is curable with therapy. But it's not always that easy to pin-point the downfall of our mental well-being and is another misconception about the disorder.

7. "Oh, like bipolar?"

Many people hear the words "BPD" and instantly draw the connection to bipolar disorder. Whilst the symptoms and traits can be similar between the two illnesses, they are very different disorders and should be treated that way. Individuals with bipolar may experience long periods of sadness and depression followed by long periods of elated moods and happiness, this may span over weeks or months, whereas someone with BPD will experience a very brief moment of elated mood and a very brief moment of depression, followed by more elatedness, then anger, then sadness and so forth, and this could be anything from hours down to minutes, and what someone with bipolar may experience over the span of months, we may feel in the span of 24 hours.

8. Suicidal Thoughts Aren't Serious

Because our emotions and 'episodes' are quite short lived, it's a common misconception that our suicidal thoughts and ideations aren't real or to be taken seriously as this may pass in a few minutes or hours. But because we feel emotions a lot deeper and a lot more real than a 'normal' person may, our suicidal thoughts are very much painful and real, and can be extremely distressing for us to be in crisis and very difficult to come down from that point without intervention. It is thought that around 10% of people with BPD commit suicide, and around 80% have reported a history of attempts. Any threat on someone's life should be taken seriously and talked about, no matter what their diagnosis.

9. Cannot live a 'normal life'

Have a quick google of BPD, the amount of stigmatising articles and wrongly quoted articles you will come across is staggering. Because of how BPD is portrayed, people think we cannot live full and happy lives, when in actual fact we can live very 'normal' and full lives, but we are just struggling and need extra help sometimes. It's possible to go to school, get a degree, fall in love, have a sustainable relationship, have friendships and be happy whilst living with BPD, it's just a little harder for us than others, but not impossible.

10. We Don't Want To Change

Finally we have the worst myth, that we are treatment resistant and don't want to change. Of course we want to change, living with BPD is at times unbearable, it's painful and difficult and a pain in the arse, if I didn't have to live with this illness for just a day I would be happier. But at the same time, as much as my disorder doesn't define me, it does help make up who I am and why I am the way I am. It holds the answers to my irrational behaviour, my mood swings, my irritability, and I'm okay with that.

I have borderline personality disorder, but I am not evil. I am not dangerous, I am not manipulative and I am not a terrible person.

Have empathy and kindness, always.

Meg x