My Mind & Meg

Depression is one of the most common illnesses and mental illnesses of them all, and is thought to affect 15% of people or 300 million people in their lifetime. Depression and suicide is the second biggest cause of death in people aged 15-29 and almost 50% of people with depression will also suffer from an anxiety disorder.

Depression is categorised as a mental illness causing low mood, low self esteem, worthlessness and emptiness and can be as serious as to result in suicide. It is extremely common in all ages but is especially seen in women and the most common age group to suffer is 18-25. Depression is seen from mild cases to severe cases, and it is possible to be high-functioning and suffer from bouts of depression just as it is possible to be near dibilated by depression and unable to move, get out of the house or do anything.

Symptoms of depression

There are a lot of way depression can present itself, but the main symptoms are;

chronic low mood and sadness
feelings of hopelessness
low self esteem and self-worth
tearful
bouts of irritability
lack of motivation to do things
lack of energy/feeling lethargic
no longer finding enjoyment in life or the things in it
feeling anxious or worried a lot
suicidal thoughts or self-harming
changes in appetite - eating too much (binge eating) or unexpected weight loss
low sex drive
disturbed sleeping pattern/insomnia

There are also numerous social symptoms of depression such as;

neglecting hobbies and interests
lack of interest in seeing friends, avoiding contact
struggling to cope at work with pressure and lack of interest
arguing with loved ones - irritability
finding home and work life difficult all of a sudden

Support Them To Get Help

Not everyone is ready for help or to ask for it, but try and support your loved ones that when they are ready, help is out there. The first step is going to see your GP and telling someone they are struggling and reaching out for the help they need to get better, or if they are feeling so depressed they are feeling suicidal and have told you they are, support them to contact your local crisis team, usually found in your a&e. Every GP practice area is different but in mine, they support you by giving you a leaflet, you call up the number and arrange to go to group therapy or individual therapies depending on your needs and are assessed from there.

Professional help isn't the only help out there of course, the support of loved ones is the most important type of help out there for people suffering with depression, knowing you are loved and worth something by people around you can make the world of difference. Talk, listen, and be there for them.

A little quote - kindly supplied by my friend Tom x

How To Support Them

The easiest thing to support someone with depression is to listen to them, make sure they know you're there for them and there to listen when they need someone, sometimes all you need in times of despair is an ear, someone to listen to your worries, to hold you whilst you cry, just someone there to know you're not alone.

Sometimes all it takes to support a loved one is to send a text, just to check in and see how they are feeling, something so simple can mean the world to someone struggling. People struggling with depression can often feel very alone and isolate themselves away from people, so make sure you are reaching out to them and don't take it personal if they don't want to talk right now, but keep asking.

Opening up about depression can be difficult but is so important on how to help someone, supporting someone by talking to them, about anything and everything and knowing the opportunity to talk about their feelings is always there can help someone to ease up and open up to you to offload. Keep talking, until you can help them make sense of it all. Opening up about your own feelings can also encourage a conversation on how they are feeling.

Encourage them to keep up with activities, getting out of the house and out of bed, showering, eating well etc. This might sound simple and trivial but I've seen it for myself and done it myself where I've been struggling so hard with my depression that I need dragging out of bed and into a bath and reminded to eat and drink throughout the day as sometimes these things just aren't of importance to you when you're struggling. Getting out of the house even to just take a walk to the shop or round the block can clear your head and get a fresh mind.

It's important to not judge or be critical whilst someone is struggling, when you are feeling depressed the littlest of things can set you off, so try not to be critical of their struggles and what they talk about when they are opening up to you.

Urgent Help

If you are worried about someone who is having suicidal thoughts, urge them to contact their GP, even offer to go with them to get help.

If they are wanting to talk but not to someone they know, urge them to contact the samaritans, a free charity service who make sure there is always someone to talk to over the phone or via text and provide a listening ear.

If you are urgently worried about someone, take them to your nearest A&E to speak to your crisis team and get immediate help or in an emergency contact 999.

I hope this post comes of some use to people, and any advice you have that I haven't mentioned feel free to leave in the comments for others!

Meg x

Useful Links

1. Depression statistics

2. NHS depression website

3. MIND depression website

So May is not only Mental Health awareness month, but is also Borderline Personality Disorder awareness month too, so happens to be a perfect time to do a big old BPD guide/awareness/info/ramble post. I'll pop in some infographics on BPD as well as my own writing and knowledge for you guys. Hope you enjoy and, grab a cuppa!

What Is BPD?

Borderline personality disorder is a PD characterised by intense mood swings and an inability to regulate emotions alongside 8 other main characteristics, only 5 of which you need for an official diagnosis. BPD is more commonly diagnosed in women, as men tend to be misdiagnosed with depression or antisocial personality disorder depending on how they portray their symptoms. People with BPD are often diagnosed with depression and anxiety or another personality disorder alongside BPD. It is believed that between 1 and 2% of people have BPD. There is also scientific proof to back up BPD, being that someone with the condition has a smaller amyglada and hippocamous, and their pre frontal cortex is also less active, meaning we cannot regulate our emotions the way a 'normal' person can.

Symptoms of BPD

There are 9 main characteristics of BPD, and as previously said, you only need 5 for a diagnosis, this can be any combination of the 9 so everyone with BPD deals with their condition differently and has main struggles, you can also suffer from all 9 like myself, or any combination of 5 or more symptoms.

The first symptom is FEAR OF ABANDONMENT, a chronic fear that people will leave you and this pushes you to do anything to keep people around and can come across as 'clingy

EMOTIONAL DYSREGULATION so you struggle to keep your emotions from swinging one way to the other very quickly and can be very painfully, you may go from extreme anger to extreme happiness to extreme sadness all in a matter of minutes

Having frequent IDENTITY CRISIS' and changing who you are to try and figure out who you are in the world,changing your appearance or way you are around people to fit in or feel comfortable. You do not have a strong sense of being or identity

Having RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES with friends, romantic partners, family etc. Struggling to keep and maintain relationships due to fear of abandonment and fear that ot will all go wrong instantly leaving you alone and sad again

Feelings of CHRONIC EMPTINESS, meaning you are either very high, very low or feeling empty and numb, not knowing how to cope with this can lead to;

IMPULSIVITY, coping with problems by acting out on impulses, for example, dyeing your hair, gambling, promiscuity, spending money you don't have etc

Also coping by using SELF-HARM or having suicidal thoughts to escape the pain from coping

Random BOUTS OF ANGER that emit like a fiery rage out of nowhere

PARANOIA OR DISASSOCIATION

Stigmas of BPD

As with any mental illness, there tends to be a lot of untrue stigmas and statements surrounding BPD. Some say we are untreatable, when there are multiple treatments for BPD including DBT and CBT.

It is also said we are manipulative, attention seeking and selfish, when in actual fact, we are so filled with emotions that we can be the most loving, empathetic and compassionate individuals when it comes to other people and their emotions. At times what may come across as attention seeking is a cry for help, we are not often good at communicating our emotions and feelings and this may come through in a negative way when we are really saying we need help right now. When people say we are manipulative, what this usually means is that we are misunderstood in how we react to things, we aren't purposefully trying to change your words or mix up what you're saying to suit us, that is what we actually are hearing and are coping with in our minds, for example when someone says "I don't want to talk right now" what that comes across to us is "I hate you and don't ever want to speak to you", this my seem dramatic, but this is how we feel and how we take words.

Another stigma is that people with BPD are unloveable, and this is something that we also feel in ourselves but is simply not true. We may be harder to understand but with communication and empathy, we are just as loveable as anyone else, if not just a little bit high maintenance, (I may be speaking for myself there).

BPD Thoughts VS 'Normal' Thoughts

BPD thoughts are very different to someone else, so when we say "you don't understand" we truly mean it. Where a 'normal' person will be able to think rationally, think logically and put these together to see the good the bad and the mid in everything, someone with BPD will only see the good or bad and will only think with our emotions. We are very literal (this sometimes means our symptoms come across as being part of the autistic spectrum) and see the world in black and white, or people are inherently good or bad. This can also lead to something called 'splitting', where if someone does one thing that upsets us or is negative, they go from being a good person to a bad person instantly, they go from an 'always' to a 'never' and we cannot see the good in that person anymore, only the negatives.

BPD can also mean we are very paranoid and think we are in danger or under threat from the people around us. We can also experience something calling 'disassociation' where someone will feel numb and separate from reality and our own bodies.

BPD Triggers

As with any illness, there are a lot of triggers, and a lot of them can be the tiniest things that trigger us into a depression or low mood. Personally my paranoia and abandonment issues tend to flare when someone seems off with me over text, this could be from reading a message and not replying, to not putting a 'x' on the end or anything that seems 'blunt' in our minds - again a black and white thinking does not help this! We may seem paranoid, or over the top but that's just what it's like living with BPD. Any of these triggers can make me suddenly down and sad and wondering what I've done wrong, questioning everything I've said and wanting to apologise for everything I've ever done and take it all back instantly and make everything okay again, so I tend to curl up in my duvet and go to sleep and hope it goes away by the time I wake up.

This can make friendships incredibly difficult as I constantly think my friends don't like me, that they are talking about me behind my back, that me being their friend is just an inside joke etc, it makes me extremely paranoid and anxious and it is horrific, it's one of the worst parts because I worry so much about everything I say and do.

The meme I've posted above is one of my favourites purely for the last line of 'being alive' as it is so true, literally everything in life triggers us with BPD and can make our bad days a living hell, so please be kind to your pals with BPD, be enthusiastic with them, try not to change your tone or how you speak over text to them and check in with them make sure they are okay and not feeling particularly vulnerable that day. But also, and importantly, don;t think you have to walk on eggshells, we can still find the humour in how bad we can get and particularly in myself to cope I like to take the piss and this helps me rationalise my emotions and feelings.

Aaaaaaaannnnddd we're done. I hope this post was useful to some people in raising awareness, giving those with BPD a laugh at how relatable or just being an interesting post to read. As always leave any comments below and I'll get back to you.

Meg x

Instagram / Twitter

Often, you come across people who are ignorant to mental health, and mental illnesses, and I always say that I'm happy, genuinely happy, that some people have never experienced such problems and so can't understand them. Sadly, not a lot of people have that luxury of blissful ignorance.

Many people with physical illnesses and chronic illnesses tend to get a mental illness on top of their problems as a side effect, and some people with mental illnesses also experience physical illness symptoms as side effects This is something that people don't see from the outside, mental illness is invisible and it's important we remember we need to be there for those who aren't as upfront about their illnesses as some.

IBS and Stomach Illnesses

One condition common amongst those with mental illness and one I suffer with myself, is IBS and other stomach upsets. This is where the stomach is affected by the stimulation, normally from anxiety, stress etc. IBS is a chronic condition that needs treatment and sometimes medication to settle, and causes a lot of upset, such as diarrhea, constipation, painful bloating, stomach pains and nauseousness. Personally, my IBS is triggered a lot by my anxiety, when I am feeling anxious and overwhelmed I can have a very upset stomach and this can be a very painful experience, my stomach hurts, I get bloated which can be uncomfortable and sometimes painful and struggle in the toilet area.

Health Anxiety

Mental illness can also cause something caused health anxiety, or often referred to as hyperchondriasis. This is a common form of anxiety that causes you to spiral into paranoia that you are seriously unwell. For example, for years I've had headaches, and every time I've had a bad bout of them, I'm convinced I have a brain tumour, that is cancerous, and I have days to live. This is an extreme jump to conclusions, but this is the life of someone with health anxiety, these possible outcomes of nasty cancers and lifelong conditions from googling are very real and cause very real pain. Someone with health anxiety can feel any mild pain or complaint, take to google and spiral themselves into the conclusion that they have cancer, diabetes, heart failure, anything. It sounds extreme and it is, but it is also very real and difficult to deal with.

Depression And Other Illnesses

Depression is a common side effect for a lot of illnesses such as cancer, HIV, heart disease, diabetes and many other conditions. This can follow from a recent diagnosis or triggered by medication, or just happen as it does. Research has suggested that having depression alongside a physical illness means you can quite often suffer quite severely, as you struggle to cope with day-to-day life with their physical illness. So when you know someone who is suffering with their diagnosis or coping with their physical illness, make sure to check in on how they are doing mentally.

Lack of libido

Another side effect of depression and mental illness is a lack of libido, aka, no want for sex. This is common amongst people who suffer from depression, sometimes you just can't face it, and other times your medication can mean having sex or wanting sex near impossible. This can be difficult in relationships and make your partner feel unwanted, unattractive, so it's important if your partner has mental health difficulties to be mindful of them and finding sex a difficult task to deal with or want at the minute.

As usual, leave a comment below!

Meg x

One of the hardest parts of having BPD is maintaining and establishing relationships, be that with friends, colleagues, family or romantic partners. This is something I've always found difficult, so thought I'd share my experiences and advice I can share.

On the outside, I guess it must seem as though I'm pretty good at relationships and friendships and coping with this aspect, but close up I've had a few difficulties and find my own paranoia and anxiety can threaten my relationships with people and I have to reign myself in a lot. From age 16 to 20 I had a boyfriend, and now a year later I'm with someone else and am incredibly happy, I have a group of amazing friends and I get on with the majority of my family. But that doesn't mean that I can find maintaining these relationships incredibly difficult.

I want to focus on romantic relationships when I speak of relationships for this blog post, as I feel it's the one I struggle with the most. My first long term boyfriend I had as I was first diagnosed and started to cope with it and cope with life so this made my relationship incredibly rocky for a while and ultimately became the end of us.

' Favourite Person'

People with BPD often become very overly attached to certain people, and rely on them for a lot, they can also become their 'FP' or 'favourite person' (there are a lot of interesting articles on this to google, one being this '5 Things to Know about being the favourite person of someone with BPD'),but what this essentially means is this someone (and there can be multiple) becomes someone you constantly rely on for reassurance, advice and guidance as well as approval for things you do and say. This isn't someone that you necessarily choose to be your favourite person, it just sort of happens as your attachment grows.

It doesn't mean you are attracted to that person necessarily either, it can be anyone you know that you suddenly rely on for a lot in life. There is very little that your FP can do wrong, you think the world of them and will always stand up for them, but when they are close to someone else this can spark intense jealousy and pain for the other person, even if it is unintentional and harmless in retrospect. Being someone's FP may seem like a daunting task, but it doesn't mean you have to do everything for someone, and you will very rarely know when you are someone's FP, nor will that person always know, it can be something that just happens and stays unnoticed. If you do know, then it's important to imput boundaries into the relationship, and understand what is acceptable on both sides and what to expect of the other person to avoid unhealthy reliance.

I've had multiple FP's over the years, my ex boyfriend was my first big one. I would rely on him for everything, the minute I felt anxious or started to have a panic attack I'd need him to come running for me, if he couldn't this would start a row and I'd shout and scream and tell him he didn't understand me. In retrospect this was a very unhealthy relationship on my part, I expected and needed too much that couldn't be asked for or given, don't get me wrong neither of us were perfect but this was a massive part of the end of us. I couldn't do anything without him for a long time, I needed his constant reassurance and approval for everything I did, and when I ultimately didn't get it this would cause me intense pain and cause intense rows that sparked my BPD anger and nastier side and it would be awful.

When we split I learnt to do things on my own again, and started to become a bit of a commitment phobe, I was terrified of ever relying on anyone like that again, terrified of the rows we used to have and going through that pain again. I saw people and dated, but I found an excuse to run away every time. The littlest of things when I went on a date or met up with someone I would use as my excuse to be single and free and not need anyone. I was convinced I could do it alone, I could cope alone and I'd never need anyone again.

Communication

Regardless of that, I found my current boyfriend and suddenly I wasn't afraid anymore. He helped me feel safe and to trust people and to more importantly, trust him. I still rely on my current boyfriend, and he has become my new FP alongside some other people in my life, but I know when I'm overstepping myself a lot more now with some help from his comments of "megan you're being needy". We live an hour apart from one another which isn't major, but to me when I'm having a bad day or just come home from seeing him it can feel like a million miles away.

The best thing I've found is communication, it sounds so simple and maybe even daft to suggest, but talking to someone about your fears, anxieties and what you're thinking about can really take you out of your own head space and bring you from emotional BPD mind into wise and rational mind ( damned mindfullness group therapy wise mind bullshit is etched into my brain forever). I find that talking to my boyfriend, explaining when I'm feeling extra needy and why, or why I don't feel like talking or whatever is going on in my head, just getting all my whirring thoughts out can feel like lifting a burden off my shoulders but when it's to someone I love and someone who can help me rationalise what I'm thinking and tell me when I'm being daft has majorly changed me.

For a long time I expected people to just know when I wasn't feeling right, to just know what to do and expected other people to take it away, telling someone how I'm feeling and what's going on really changes my outlook and getting someone who isn't as emotional (cough, unstable, cough) to talk through these things is a really good way of easing your mind.

Rationalizing and Wise Mind

As part of my DBT and mindfullness group therapy, we learnt about emotional and logical mind and pushing ourselves into wise mind when we are feeling emotional and not sure about decisions etc. What it essentially means is people with BPD are usually in emotional mind 24/7, using our feelings and strong emotions (and usually emotionally instability) to guide our decisions, usually by shouting, screaming and crying rather than tackling something, and in order to make good, wise decisions, we must use our emotions as well as our logical reasoning to find our 'wise mind' - yes I know, it sounds like utter bullshit but stay with me here okay.

So imagine you've had a row with your partner and he didn't respond to a text:

- emotional mind would causeimmediate panic and paranoia, start crying and thinking they are going to end your relationship because of your row and they don't actually accept your apology, they were just saying that and you mean nothing to them. (dramatic much? welcome to BPD brain)

- logical mind would think about the fight you had, realise you had a fight, see he hasn't replied and understand there is another step to take now and a decision to make about what to do

-wise mind would put these both together, realise that you are upset and you are worried about them being angry with you or wanting to leave you, and also realise that you have had an argument, and logically he may still be mad but may also be busy at work or not looked at their phone since your last reply, and decide to either send another message asking if everything is okay and you look forward to seeing them next, or leaving the text and waiting for their reply to gauge the situation again from there.

So what I'm saying is when you are having a fight or a disagreement and you want to initially fly off the handles and throw your whole weight of rage at them, stop, think about what has happened, what has been said and think rationally about the situation and what to do next. Realise that communicating and talking through this issue will be more beneficial than arguing and try that.

This is a skill that takes a long time of practicing to learn, and I can't say I'm perfect at it, I still find it difficult to be rational in the spur of the moment, but the times I do remember and I do put it into practice I can honestly say it has made me make wiser decisions and fly off the handle a lot less. It has also massively improved my relationship and caused a lot less rows than my previous.

I hope this post is of some help to someone out there, if not just an interesting read on the shit show that is the BPD brain. As always leave comments below!

Meg x

Pages

Then

And Now

Useful links:

Symptoms of depression

Support Them To Get Help

How To Support Them

Urgent Help

Useful Links

What Is BPD?

Symptoms of BPD

Stigmas of BPD

BPD Thoughts VS 'Normal' Thoughts

BPD Triggers

IBS and Stomach Illnesses

Health Anxiety

Depression And Other Illnesses

Lack of libido

' Favourite Person'

Communication

Rationalizing and Wise Mind

Finding Out Your Triggers

Breathing Techniques

Mindfulness

Calming a Panic Attack

Useful Links

Meg Hobson

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