One of the hardest parts of having BPD is maintaining and establishing relationships, be that with friends, colleagues, family or romantic partners. This is something I've always found difficult, so thought I'd share my experiences and advice I can share.

On the outside, I guess it must seem as though I'm pretty good at relationships and friendships and coping with this aspect, but close up I've had a few difficulties and find my own paranoia and anxiety can threaten my relationships with people and I have to reign myself in a lot. From age 16 to 20 I had a boyfriend, and now a year later I'm with someone else and am incredibly happy, I have a group of amazing friends and I get on with the majority of my family. But that doesn't mean that I can find maintaining these relationships incredibly difficult.

I want to focus on romantic relationships when I speak of relationships for this blog post, as I feel it's the one I struggle with the most. My first long term boyfriend I had as I was first diagnosed and started to cope with it and cope with life so this made my relationship incredibly rocky for a while and ultimately became the end of us.

' Favourite Person'

People with BPD often become very overly attached to certain people, and rely on them for a lot, they can also become their 'FP' or 'favourite person' (there are a lot of interesting articles on this to google, one being this '5 Things to Know about being the favourite person of someone with BPD'),but what this essentially means is this someone (and there can be multiple) becomes someone you constantly rely on for reassurance, advice and guidance as well as approval for things you do and say. This isn't someone that you necessarily choose to be your favourite person, it just sort of happens as your attachment grows.

It doesn't mean you are attracted to that person necessarily either, it can be anyone you know that you suddenly rely on for a lot in life. There is very little that your FP can do wrong, you think the world of them and will always stand up for them, but when they are close to someone else this can spark intense jealousy and pain for the other person, even if it is unintentional and harmless in retrospect. Being someone's FP may seem like a daunting task, but it doesn't mean you have to do everything for someone, and you will very rarely know when you are someone's FP, nor will that person always know, it can be something that just happens and stays unnoticed. If you do know, then it's important to imput boundaries into the relationship, and understand what is acceptable on both sides and what to expect of the other person to avoid unhealthy reliance.

I've had multiple FP's over the years, my ex boyfriend was my first big one. I would rely on him for everything, the minute I felt anxious or started to have a panic attack I'd need him to come running for me, if he couldn't this would start a row and I'd shout and scream and tell him he didn't understand me. In retrospect this was a very unhealthy relationship on my part, I expected and needed too much that couldn't be asked for or given, don't get me wrong neither of us were perfect but this was a massive part of the end of us. I couldn't do anything without him for a long time, I needed his constant reassurance and approval for everything I did, and when I ultimately didn't get it this would cause me intense pain and cause intense rows that sparked my BPD anger and nastier side and it would be awful.

When we split I learnt to do things on my own again, and started to become a bit of a commitment phobe, I was terrified of ever relying on anyone like that again, terrified of the rows we used to have and going through that pain again. I saw people and dated, but I found an excuse to run away every time. The littlest of things when I went on a date or met up with someone I would use as my excuse to be single and free and not need anyone. I was convinced I could do it alone, I could cope alone and I'd never need anyone again.

Communication

Rationalizing and Wise Mind